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Saturday, March 15, 2003 I think for the first time tonight I realized that it really will be ok if I end up having to go to Rutgers. I mean, when I was in the midst of working my ass off, the prospect of not having anything to show for it really sucked. And when I sit back and think about it, it still does. But thanks to my senioritis, I've played for a show for the first time ever this year... and even though it was pretty shitty when we were doing regular rehearsals, I can now honestly say I'm having a blast. I don't think I've had this much fun playing in a loooooong while. Of course, it sort of helps that the music is really upbeat and HotSaxPlayer sits next to me. ;) But I've realized that, although I'd still have to work really hard if I end up going to Rutgers, the lighter academic load will leave me more time for things like this... I don't know whether I would've been able to maintain my sanity if I had done Guys & Dolls last year, but I almost regret having tried pit orchestra so late. Maybe I wouldn't have been good enough for it to be fun my soph year... but I'm enjoying it SO MUCH right now. So now that Rutgers seems like a probable destination in my future, it feels nice to be able to accept what lies ahead of me... just acceptance, not resignation. Oodles of money, lots of extracurriculars or an opportunity to work really hard and stand out, getting waay ahead of my classmates even... what's not to like? Even though I'm mad tired, and even though this would usually make me incredibly irritable and depressed, right now it's as if a burden has been lifted. Because, you know, high school is really just four years of my life... and should I choose to take the easy way out, I could really enjoy my life. At Rutgers, I have 3 paths lying ahead of me it seems... and maybe I'll be able to take that middle path and excel academically as well as enjoy everything about college life, trying out new things all the time, without the ridiculous stress levels of high school. Yes, I'm more familiar with Rutgers than most people, but college is the opportunity to really start anew... and that in itself, right now, is enough for me. It cliched to say this, but high school really is too superficial for me. I'm not going to delude myself and say that I won't meet people who only care about their GPA (especially if I take the premed track), but it just seems that there's just so many possibilities in college that you could do what you want and not have to worry about other people... cuz if you did you'd seriously have a nervous breakdown. This in the end sort of brings me back to the point of why I'd like to go to an Ivy... because most students there are as multitalented as they are intellectual... so you could always meet great people everywhere... but Rutgers is so huge, even if that probability was decreased significantly, I don't think it changes the number of people like that that I would meet. In any case, senioritis has kicked into high gear.... I'm just sitting back and waiting. Que sera, sera. --posted by M @ 12:05 AM | 0 comments 0 Comments: |
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