Sunday, December 07, 2003
so it's been a week of ups, downs, and everywhere-in-betweens....

home was great... great cooking (all courtesy of mom... plus great food brought back from korea, courtesy of dad ^__~) and no cooking on my part = happy minyoung. i slept at least 9 hours a day. AT LEAST. I did no work except read 25 boring pages of chemistry, which is both good and bad I guess. and seeing friends definitely went over WAY better than i expected.

leaving was hectic... leaving in my family seems to always be a rather disastrous event. i think it's because both my dad and i procrastinate and between that and bad luck kicking in at the worst times, things always happen to make me rather upset... at least within the past few months. but things worked out well in the sense that i still managed to catch the 9am bus and was back in Boston by 1pm-ish. unfortunately, all my lazing (hm, and yes I guess I just made up a word) over the weekend carried into the week... so I got very little work done this week, other than a newfound determination to start working harder in 5.112. And i got TONS of sleep... it was ridiculous, i was getting 10 hours total of sleep for every 24 hours. which leads up to...

Thursday night/Friday--thank goodness for TAs that practically tell you what the test will be like and for physics review sessions ... because even though what we do in review sessions often isn't covered on the exam, at least it's 2 hours of doing SOMETHING physics related that I might otherwise never get around to otherwise, esp. on days where I have both 18.02 and 8.01L. Except I spent too much time on 5.112 pset and fell asleep after ramen (very soporific).... and then I kept on falling back asleep when I was fully well-rested and thus didn't get around to actually doing the 18.02 practice exams myself at all. but all things considered, both exams went better than expected. 8.01L was less disastrous than last time, and seeing as how with partial credit I did pretty well on the last exam, I'll be disappointed if I don't get similar (or better) results from this last one. 18.02... I didn't get all the answers and probably was doing some really incorrect integrations, but I didn't get fail-mail and didn't feel as panicked as last time so I'm hoping for better results this time around...

Friday-- Jo and I bought all of Star Market out... seriously, people stared at us as we walked down mass ave and as we walked into McC with our loaded shopping cart.. haha.

saturday-- BLIZZARD. that about sums it up. so no dinner to penang, but we still trudged across campus to galleria and chilled for grace's bday with two decent cakes and food... all things considered it was ok I guess, except that it was so obvious what we were doing... haha she probably knew about it last week when I insisted on her coming to dinner with us.

anyway, after Friday I was so relieved that my last exams of the term (minus finals) were over and that I knew I hadn't failed them that I was inexplicably happy. Even though I was freezing my ass off and it was starting to snow, I was happy.

random pet peeve: people who don't know when to stop a joke or aren't considerate of others. i mean, i probably do things that are inconsiderate too, but i try to avoid them... i think it's something about MIT though that the people here are either inconsiderate as a result of personality/their upbringing or that they're just so harried that all they can think about is themselves. i don't do certain things expecting people to praise me left and right, but sometimes a little recognition would be nice, you know?

i think that it hurts the most when you do these things for people you care about and all you don't get much back. i think the only exception that i might make in this case is if i were ever a parent one day... maybe my love would be unconditional, maybe not. who knows how i'll really feel at that point. but i think it's fair to say that once you reach a certain age, it's fair to expect that you should always try to be responsible and help each other out. everyone is stressed and everyone is busy in their own ways and i definitely feel a combination of hurt and annoyance that people can't recognize that.

granted, as i got older, i never really helped with chores around the house as much... but I definitely took care of the laundry at least half the time and tried to pick up some housework if it was obvious my parents were really stressed (for general cleanliness at least, if nothing else). but i have friends that have never helped with chores, and that kind of saddens me. they're so used to being taken care of that they don't recognize how much work/time the small things really take (or maybe I just take a longer time then others at performing these tasks... but I'm sure other people find it time-consuming as well, if not as much).

my opinions about people change all the time (ok, well maybe not my view of who they are-- after the first few months of getting to know someone, my views are usually pretty accurate since they prove again and again in subsequent years that my view is correct) though.

and on another tangent, i don't know who still reads this (if anyone at all), but whenever i strike you as easily annoyed, remember this-- i forgive really easily (too easily, actually) and i have never successfully held a strong grudge against anyone for more than a month, no matter how upset I was (and believe me, I've gotten really really upset before to a degree that absolutely none of my friends have ever seen-- and the only reason i could hold a grudge for even that long was because i didn't have to see them physically for a month). but i wish people would understand that when it seems that i am upset, i usually really am hurt and that while I forgive easily, there's nothing that I would like better than for you to understand why I was upset and to make an effort to not do that again.

In the end, that's how I usually know who really cares about me and who doesn't. It's not the superficial things like remembering my birthday or knowing what band I like or knowing my favorite food that matters-- that just shows that you've known me well for a while. It's when someone takes the time out to talk to me, knowing that I'm feeling depressed that I know I have a true friend (even if I don't say anything significant, just the fact that someone cares makes me feel better). Or that people care that I am upset to begin with. I think some people just honestly don't know how upset I am, but I bet a good majority of my "friends" know but just don't care enough. I don't have many true friends, but I think I have at least one and for that I'm indescribably grateful. And I have my parents... despite all the frustration I have felt towards them at one time or another, I think spending time at college has proven that no one will care more than them.

I'm not depressed. I just had to get that rant out to no one in particular. Another reason why I love blogging. :-)
--posted by M @ 1:53 AM | 0 comments

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