Wednesday, March 10, 2004
what if?

sometimes i'm plagued by that question... and very infrequently i'm driven to the point where i take action. unfortunately, although the last time i did that wasn't exactly a failure, i wasn't too happy with all of the conseqeunces... yet for some reason today i spent the whole morning totally unfocused and asking myself that.

i feel like occasionally i meet people who i could have become really good friends with... but i only get to know them over a short amount of time, and for all my bluntness when it comes to opinions, that usually doesn't carry over to interpersonal relationships. so, that moment is all too fleeting, and by the time i realize what i've potentially missed the window has slammed shut.

anything i do now could end up being incredibly awkward, embarrassing, and perhaps illustrate that i'm not as good a judge of others' intentions and feelings toward me as i thought i was. i'm not bitter, i guess, but just incredibly saddened by the loss of what could have been... i have few real friendships, but i treasure every one of them. and the thought that i could have lost one before it even had a chance to really begin is kind of depressing.

and so my only recourse is to shove it down deep into the recesses of my memory and ignore it. next time it resurfaces, it won't be as sharp, and hopefully i'll be able to move on.
--posted by M @ 7:07 PM | 0 comments

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