Friday, June 04, 2004
Not much has been going on. But since this blog is supposed to act as a semi-diary/place where I put all my rants and ramblings, I figure I should update for the first time in a while...

End of freshman year... a lot of lenient curves, just scraping by, and notes to self to not slack off halfway through the term... 'tis playing with fire.

My first year of college has definitely been an interesting experience academically... having all my coursework concentrated into one term and no longer having the luxury/ability of sleeping through class, making up all the work at night, and doing ok mostly. It pains me to admit it (because I denied this for years) but my parents were right-- it's a lot more efficient to be awake and pay attention in class, while doing less work and getting more consecutive hours of sleep later, as I found out spring term. Mastering Physics is a useful learning tool, no matter how much all the 8.01 people bitched about it. Lessons learned from both terms? Do my own psets, no matter how ridiculously painful they are. And always, always, ALWAYS do the Part A's by myself, even if I relent and copy someone else's Part B. Discipline is key (and there's always a consequence, at least for me). Take courses with more letters, not numbers. Never, ever consider a career in Electrical Engineering (evidence: 8.02x labs).

All that crap about freshman year being the defining year of your life though? I don't buy it. It certainly didn't change anything really significant about me, and I attribute that to being confident in who I am. I'm happy with my general outlook on life, personal philosophy, etc., because I've defended them many many times and haven't found a troubling hole in my defense yet. I haven't given up all pretense of dignity and become crazed for a significant other like many of my peers have. I'm fairly sure of what I want to do career-wise, although I'm quite aware that life works in funny ways and could throw me a curveball in the near future. I'll deal with that when I have to and not before then, though.

I haven't really gone out and tried to find new friends, beyond the core few that I always hang out with... that used to trouble me for a while, but I'm no longer bothered by it. I've come to terms with the fact that the best way to become friends with someone is to spend a lot of time with them, but it's not necessarily the best way to meet interesting people. Ideally, my new friend would also be my new interesing friend, but where I'd last left off and last felt happy was to try a lot of new things and continue doing what I enjoy. Most of the people I meet through what I do don't end up being friends with me, and I ended up meeting a few obnoxious ones to boot, but I've also met people who I wouldn't have gotten to know otherwise. And if I don't end up being friends with them, it's cool to know that we at least have common interests. Going to parties, drunken bonding, or joining a club based on exclusivity (cult/sorority/frat/religious fellowship)--there's no doubt that those are some of the best ways to find the sort of friend you can spend hours chatting to or having fun with... but that feels more superficial than anything else.

I guess I'm pickier with friends than most people, because having fun is important but having someone I can rely on and trust is important, too. I can name a lot of friends, but I can count on one hand the number of people I am absolutely, 100% sure will never, ever backstab me, will never be friends with me just because it's convenient, and will always be there to help me out even if I'm being a stressed-out bitch and displaying every horrible personality flaw I have. And just as they know me and acknowledge my flaws but help me out anyway, I try to do the same... lend a shoulder to lean on or a helping hand.

Then there are the "friends" I know never to trust, but I'm still friends with them anyway because it's not worth the potential conflict and awkwardness not being friends would cause. (Yay for convoluted statements.) I'm still getting burned, but I now try to avoid doing them any friendly favors, because I sure as hell won't get them back... almost without fail. I used to be quite bitter about this, but then I decided to be an annoying hardass to these people instead. Some of them eventually learn that I won't do anything for them anymore without knowing and/or caring why, some of them get really pissed off at me, and some think I'm a !@#%@$^$ (insert choice expletives here). It hurts in the sense that I get a certain reputation sometimes, but I've found several times in the past that it's more likely that the people who work hard, are least shallow, and are thoughtful will know that that's not really the truth. Ultimately, I think it comes down to a difference in philosophy-- to me, being a friend means that I try to act with respect to their welfare... I try not to waste their time, lose their possessions, keep their money, eat all their food, etc. They work just as hard as I do, and they deserve to be treated with as much respect as I expect.

This is why I don't need organized religion. Whether I believe in God or not is a moot point-- I don't need a higher being to tell me to treat others as I would want to be treated, nor do I feel the urge to hear many people tell me this and remind themselves once a week, seeing as how these same people are often the most hypocritical. Not all of them are, but many of them buy the nicest clothes and find that they can't give up an hour of shopping to go volunteer somewhere... unless, of course, it'll help them get into college. Honestly, do you need to do everything because God tells you to? Perhaps the idea of His guidance comforts some, who are faced with difficult questions that have neither black nor white answers. But "Dear God, should I help the person that was just hit by a car or should I ignore him because I'll be late to work?" In most circumstances, (eg, you're not a mother with 10 children to feed and on the verge of getting fired), any person with a conscience knows what is the right answer; what they choose to do is up to them. God does not control their mind or limbs or muscles, and they are perfectly capable of taking action. Unless you ask religious fanatics; then it's definitely "God made me do it. He decreed it." Of course, the religious could argue that God made human beings with a conscience and then we get into the whole nasty debate of creationism (and to what degree you believe it). But by the same argument, if God made the human conscience, He must have meant for us to use it. If we have to consult God for everything, and all His answers according to the consulter are acceptable to the public, where do we draw the line? Student: "God says don't do homework." Worker: "God said I should take the rest of my life off and get paid for it." Murderer: "God made me do it."

If Christianity is about faith in God, it's too bad that Christians fail to have faith in each other and other human beings. If they want to believe that God created us, will save them, or whatever else Christians believe, that's fine by me. But with all that effort they put into worshipping God, would it hurt at all to take even a miniscule fraction of that faith and help the less fortunate of their own volition? And by help, I don't mean lend $25 to their millionaire cousin, or only help because their entire church youth group is doing it and they don't want to look like a heartless bastard. Maybe for every 25 people in a rehab program run heavily by volunteers, only 1 ever makes it out successfully the first time. Maybe 2 make it out the second time. It's not exactly a heartening majority, but it's a start, and a life. If suicide and abortion are sins in Christianity because they're taking away a life given by God, how is it less of a sin to throw those 3 lives away simply because a Christian didn't want to put the effort into trying to help the other 22, suspecting that they'll fail?

And with that extended rant on organized religion, I return back to the more trivial topic of freshman year. In essence, it came, it went, I learned cool stuff academically (no matter how painful it was to learn), and I didn't change much personally except that 1) I tried taking a risk and it backfired-- I swore never again to do that kinda stuff, and 2) drinking doesn't necessarily mean I have to become the people who drink themselves quite stupidly to oblivion.

In other stupid news, I read all 5 Harry Potter books and caught up with 7(?) years of pop culture over 5 days. Work has so far been really slow, my mentor is kind of... not really a mentor, but the other people in the lab are pretty cool and are making up for it. (Bonus points goes to one of the guys for also having a natural voice that is interestingly close to Kermit the Frog's... without all the nasal sounding-ness of course, but a bit close in pitch). This could turn out to be a really interesting or sorta boring job... but hey, I'm getting paid, and at least there's not much of a commute.

I also got a new bike. First time I've owned one in 7 years.

And I plan on listening to almost every CD/artist I'd been interested in but had never gotten around to really checking out this summer. Props to the EB Public Library and my wallet.

Waking up tomorrow is going to be a bitch. 4.5 hours to go...
--posted by M @ 2:49 AM | 0 comments

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