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Wednesday, February 09, 2005 random thoughts. i still haven't finished reading to the lighthouse, but just thinking recently about how hard it is to put all my ideas into words, made me respect virginia woolf even more. i don't enjoy reading stream-of-consciousness, but i feel like she truly manages to capture it... a smorgasboard of words that are so much more than they seem at first and most importantly embodies universal emotions. i've realized that over the last two terms i've become exactly the person that i disliked in high school. honestly, if i were to describe myself on paper, i'd bore myself. but i have new goals, i'm that much more jaded (or is it realistic?), and to be blunt, i just can't do it all-- i'm not smart/talented enough and i don't manage my time well enough to make up for what i lack. also, i've decided to stop bitching about not having a bf (though most of that was in jest to begin with) for a variety of reasons (some trivial and some kinda philosophical). and i refuse to be bitter about valentine's day-- if people are going to complain about commercialized holidays, why don't they start with christmas? lastly, i can't believe i missed galway in concert... FOR FREE. hindemith! and mozart! WTF. and i haven't picked up my flute in 6 months. i'd even forgotten about the free bso tickets up til now. i've started running again over iap, though, so maybe at least i'll be healthier? i'd also like to start climbing again, but i'm not sure if they require you to come with a partner (for spotting purposes... even though it's only bouldering). so, it's a new term. i've got lower expectations of what i'm capable of but i'd like to work harder to make up for it. i've got lower expectations for everything actually... and if things work out, i'll be pleasantly surprised. i remember the first time someone else told me about that their outlook on life was as such, it was a bit of a novel idea to me, but didn't seem unreasonable. and now, i've adopted it. i'm also learning not to force things beyond a certain point. i'm still being fairly agressive about getting what i want, i think, but if i'm not 100% sure that i want it-- or it seems like i'd have to really force and push people/things to get it-- it wasn't meant to be. --posted by M @ 8:40 PM | 3 comments 3 Comments:
At
1:48 AM,
I wasn't aware that you ever bitched about not having a bf.
At
1:49 AM,
Oops, forgot to say that last comment was by me. mm me and grace joke about it a lot on AIM... lol. :-P |
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