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Thursday, April 27, 2006 ramblings no, really... ever get the feeling that you're in limbo, but when you look back, so much has happened? i think if there's one thing that i'm proud of about this year, it's that i found new limits (or rather, rediscovered them) of what trying hard really means. and, as usual, that only lasted for so long. but i think i can look back, and say i've been fairly productive this year...? ******* i've been grateful for the lack of drama, for sure. at the same time, i feel like i don't see people that much anymore. and as a sort of corollary (but not quite- more like random train of thought): is it the extreme highs and lows of life that make it worth living, or is there some happy medium that i'll eventually find? i miss the feeling of awe that i used to get sometimes. the sort of freeze-frame moments where i always thought, things may suck, but not enough to take away the poetry of the river rippling in the wind, reflecting the moonlight, or the shower of petals that descends from the saucer magnolia trees out front every spring. i miss those, and even when i stop to try to recapture them, i can't. i'm not unhappy, but i feel oddly... jaded. ******** anyway, i'm sort of annoyed and feel like i got screwed over by CC. but happy to be getting a change of scenery this summer. there are times when i think about it, and i'm like, oh my GOSH, did i just propose this ridiculous project and throw myself into a scenario where i'll be living somewhere for 8 weeks not only without most of the conveniences i'm used to, but also in a COMPLETELY different culture? (oh and PS, i barely speak the language.) i don't think i've ever done that before... but at the same time, whenever i think about it, i sort of get this 'new lease on life' feeling. it's amazing what breaking up the monotony (or the prospect of it) does to me. ********** i have just a few regrets about how my time at MIT has worked out. but that's the nice thing about going to school forever i guess- i'll get a chance to do it all over again in a year (hopefully, assuming i get into med school). ********** i ramble too much for my own good. it's nice to sort of belch it all up and dump it out into cyberspace every once in a while though. narcisstic perhaps. time to get back to work (facebook=bad. blog= bad.) --posted by M @ 1:27 AM | 0 comments 0 Comments: |
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